Why is it so damn hard to feel satisfied and content with what we have and when we do feel satisfied, why doesn’t it last?

The answer is because evolution wants progress and advancement of our species.

The definition of evolution is the gradual development of something, especially from a simple to a more complex form and if we accomplished something and were then endlessly satisfied by that single accomplishment, we wouldn’t evolve because there would be zero drive to do so.

The new becomes normal and then we search for the new again, this phenomenon is wired into us and has been for millions and millions of years.

Of course there are advantages and disadvantages to this ‘program’ because there are payoffs and costs to everything.

The main advantage of course is essentially progress, that’s what evolution wants yet the main disadvantage is the lack of feeling content on a personal level…but truth be told, evolution doesn’t care if you’re content, it only cares that you pro-create and progress, pro-create and progress...

But fortunately you can actually have progress and feelings of being of content more frequently if you understand how this system works. Now some folks might say that what I’m about to explain is the key to happiness and I agree with that essentially, however with a remodeled definition of happiness.

Happiness is an emotion just like sadness, joy, anger, excitement, frustration and the list goes on…

So saying, ‘I just want to be happy’ is exactly like saying ‘I just want to be sad’…you might be thinking what the f*ck is you talking about dude…how is saying I just want to be happy the same as saying I just want to be sad.

They’re both emotions and they’re on two sides of the same spectrum, so if you solely felt happy all the time, first of all you would begin to forget what sadness was like and then your quote on quote happiness would dull because you’d have no contrast and remember, we develop a new normal incredibly quickly meaning…

Aiming to feel happy 24/7 is actually a faulty goal, but aiming to feel content in your life in general is a real possibility. You’re still going to feel emotions like happiness and joy just like you’re going to feel sadness and sorrow, but your ‘baseline’ or ‘settling point’ can be a feeling of relative contentedness (I swear that’s actually a word, I looked it up).

So the advantage of this program where our new normal is established really quickly is super useful in the sense that it pushes us forward and has us progress as a species…but the disadvantage of this program is that that feeling of progress or achievement doesn’t last because the program wants you to achieve more, so…

This is why having goals, working to achieve them and then setting new goals is such a great recipe to feel content because we set a goal, reach it, feel great, urn for more, set a new goal, reach it, celebrate, urn for more and so on…this is growth in a nutshell.

This could also be the definition of purpose in a nutshell if you’re passionate about what you’re doing!

This is why people that love their careers and the work that they do are far more content than folks who don’t. Their daily purpose checks these boxes and works with this evolutionary program as opposed to against it because if you don’t like what you’re doing for 40 hours a week, man…that’s a lot of time to invest in something that doesn’t provide you with a feeling of purpose because essentially you just opt out of this program or system all together and you’re quite literally just waiting for time to pass…there’s not a whole lot of satisfaction in that.

Now this purpose doesn’t have to solely come from your career, it can come from plenty of things like house projects, parenting, being a better partner, learning a new language…anything that you’re interested in really!

You may have noticed that I didn’t mention anything material around purpose…and I want to be clear that there is zero judgement or anything wrong with material things, I love nice things, they’re great but…

A classic example is getting a new car, how long does that novelty stick around…a week, maybe 2, a month if you’re lucky…and then that car is just your car that you drive every day and you may still love it, but that shiny new appeal wears off quick.

The difference between buying something like a car and putting work and effort into something you’re truly interested in or passionate about is that the work invested in an interest or passion project builds you and fills you in an entirely different way…the novelty from the passion project will still wear off, but there’s a different type of satisfaction that comes with it.

You can think about it like this…

Let’s say that cars are your passion, are you going to feel more satisfied by buying a car that you love or by building a car that you love with your bare hands…I’m not a car guy, but I’d bet that piecing your own car together is going to be a far more fulfilling endeavor.

Now one way to extend the ‘half-life’ you could say of satisfying things is by implementing gratitude because…

Gratitude has us access some of that novelty in a way, but it’s more so from an angle of appreciation. So by waking up every morning and getting into that car that ya built with your own two hands that you absolutely love and taking 20 seconds to be like ‘shit…I love this thing, I love the way it steers, how it handles, the detail of the interior, how it gets me where I want to go and back reliably, it also keeps me safe’….you get the idea…

Stopping, reflecting and appreciating is a really powerful way to feel more content with what you have right now by simply acknowledging it!

Also, like I said before we need to work with the system not against it in order to get more out of our lives so it’s important to appreciate, but it’s also important to continue to improve and progress.

There’s nothing worse than looking back over the course of your year and being in the exact same spot, with the exact same problems, talking about the exact same sh*t that you wanted to do…that leaves a sour taste in our mouths because we’re literally wired to want to constantly progress and improve.

This is actually why a lot of folks work with me, they realize that they’re spinning their wheels, not achieving what they want, potentially even regressing and it gets to a point where enough is enough…they want results and they’re willing to do what it takes to get them. 

So hopefully you’re starting to see that this system that wants constant progression can leave you feeling discouraged or even worse regretful.

On the other hand, you can work with this system and use it propel you forward, how exciting is that…it’s like padding upstream or downstream…going with the current is far more seamless and enjoyable endeavour.

Basically what I’m saying is, one of the best ways to feel more content in your life is to create avenues to learn and grow.

It’s exactly like eating, moving and sleeping properly…we are wired to thrive off of single to minimal ingredient whole foods, moving plenty and sleeping 7-9 hours per night…now, you can do that and feel awesome or, you can eat poorly, live a sedentary lifestyle and not sleep enough, that’s your choice…but the repercussions are that you’re going to feel like shit because you’re not providing the system with what it needs in order to thrive…the same concept applies around learning, growing and progressing. That’s what the system (you) needs to thrive in a mental and emotional sense.

Okay Marcus I get it, now where do I start?

First off, establish what your priorities are by looking at your calendar aka how you’re investing your time.

Secondly, look at your visa and/or bank statements.

How you invest your time and money will tell you everything that you need to know about your priorities…it’s actually documented for you already, all you need to do is look at it!

Once you check out your calendar and your visa statement just ask yourself, am I stoked on how I’m investing my resources? If the answer is yes, great, keep doing what you’re doing, but if the answer is no, something needs to change because if nothing changes, nothing changes.

So let’s get specific…

Let’s say that you want to eat healthier and you look at your visa statement and you’re spending twice as much on meals out as you are on groceries for your home…chances are, you’re not eating all that healthfully because we know that for the most part meals out aren’t nearly as healthy as meals you can make yourself in your casa so…

Perhaps you decide that you’re going to reverse it for the next 30 days, you’re going to spend twice as much on groceries for your home than you are on meals out. This is so easy to track because you can just look your visa statement and see whether you’re moving in the right direction or not.

You can also watch how your body composition improves, how your energy levels increase, how your sleep gets better, how your mood is impacted…and the coolest thing about this is that by making progress and tracking this stuff, you get into this positive feedback loop where you’re feeling better, you’re looking better and you’re getting results…

That just makes you want to carry out those behaviours even more because it feels so awesome to make progress and as you can see, this is an example of using the system to your advantage and working with it vs. against it.

When you’re establishing your priorities, one trap that’s really easy to fall into is the ‘well I don’t want x…’ trap.

When someone asks us what we want, we typically respond automatically with what we don’t want…isn’t that funny!?

So, Marcus what do you want…’Well I don’t want to have to worry about money and I don’t want to be overweight and I don’t want to be single…’

Be sure that you get very clear on what it is that you actually want instead of focusing on what you don’t want…

If you want you can start with what you don’t want and chip away and eventually get to what you do want, but it’s easier to just skip that step and get straight to what you want. Also, this can be a bit of a difficult exercise in the sense that you may have never REALLY thought this through…’What do I really want in my life?’ 

So just be sure to be patient with yourself when doing this, but the more specific you can get the better.

I want to give you one more example around how I’ve used this in my own life to feel more content, feel like I’m moving forward and making progress…

I always had a goal of learning Spanish and I put it off and put it off and put it off…until I got to a point where I was 32 and I still hadn’t taken any actionable steps in a consistent way, so enough was enough and I started working with a Spanish teacher.

It was SO challenging, I mean talk about feeling like an idiot just about every day…I was essentially starting from square one because I took Spanish in high school for a of couple years, but I barely scraped by and really didn’t apply myself…actually, if you asked the majority of my high school teachers to sum up my academic prowess in a nutshell, it would have probably been something like, ‘untapped potential, didn’t apply himself’…oops!

Fortunately, I’ve made huge progress over the last few years with my Spanish and it feels SO good. I can go to a Spanish speaking country now and live my life normally, I’m not fluent yet, but I can more than get by and I continue to work at it, progress, celebrate, urn for more, apply more effort, improve, get the payoff and so on…

Now if I hadn’t hired my teacher (shout out to Gustavo) I would be in the exact same position now that I was then with an unfulfilled dream and a sour taste in my mouth, not to mention a completely different experience of my life over the last while because improving and growing in different ways opens up so many doors.

I’ve spent quite a bit of time in Mexico and Colombia recently and there would have been so many conversations that I simply wouldn’t have been able to have and as a result, less people I would have met, fewer experiences, less learning, fewer feelings of community and fitting in…etc. 

There are so many downstream effects of what we do and what we don’t do that we’re often completely unaware of and unfortunately stuff like this doesn’t get factored in to whether we do something or not all that frequently because we’re just unaware of it all together or don’t think much about it until we’re in the situation where we’d need a given skill…

Let’s say that you get invited to a pool party that’s happening in a month or two and you think man, I’d love to be in better shape for that and then you don’t take action and the date is getting and closer and closer and then all of sudden it’s the day of the fiesta and you’re like f*ck…if I only started then…

That then is now.

So to sum things up…

We are designed to progress because our new normal gets established incredibly quickly and in order to feel content, we need to feel productive and like we’re improving.

If you’re stagnant, it’s going to leave a sour taste in your mouth and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about that other than take action…it’s just the rules of this human game that we need to play in accordance with if thriving is a priority.

Also, take 20-30 seconds here and there and identify what you’re grateful for, this is an awesome tool to prolong the satisfaction process and feel more content right away…these things go unnoticed if we don’t go looking for them.

I hope you found this article useful and I’d love to know…

What are you working toward right now!?